Wanted: Three Pips, Immediate Hire, Reasonable Rates

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This morning my eyes fluttered open around 6am. My alarm wasn’t due to go off for another hour and a half. I had a raging headache and my body decided I should get the full experience of the pain instead of sleeping through it all.

Since sleep was no longer within my grasp, but in no way did I want to get out of bed, I grabbed my trusty old iPod that I keep by the bed, clapped on the headphones and set my Pod for shuffle.

An Elton John and a couple Merle Haggards went by. A Harry Connick crooner about nightingales and London-town was certainly relaxing.

Then the opening strains of Midnight Train To Georgia filled my ears. Ah Gladys. Such a powerful voice. It’s been a while since this one made it’s way to the top of my shuffle list, and it was like visiting with an old friend.

I turned up the sound to hear every word, every note.

And that’s when I made a decision. I need some Pips.

They provide such great affirmation.

Gladys: He’s leaving/On that midnight train to Georgia
Pips: …leaving on that midnight train….whoot whoo!

Or

Gladys: And I’m gonna be with him/On that midnight train to Georgia
Pips: I know you will….leaving on that midnight train to Georgia…whoot whoo!

The Pips provide emphatic punctuation to what Gladys is saying. She’s tormented. Her man is heading out of town. But her Pips back her play. They underscore her words. They give her power.

I need this. I need Pips. Three of ’em. Right away.

Can you imagine how empowering this would be?

Karen: Hey boss, we need to chat
Pips: bossMAN…gotta have a chat…

Karen: I think I need a raise
Pip: You *know* she needs that cash…whoot wooo!

Yeah, I mean how could I get a no to my request with the power of the Pips behind me?

Or in a very important negotiation:

Karen: So Supplier, your pricing is too high, we need to cut 20% out of the quote
Pips: You know that quote’s to high…twenty percent…oh no!

Or employee relations:

Karen: So, I noticed you’ve been missing deadlines lately
Pips: …Missing them deadlines…
Karen: That’s not good
Pips: …Not good!…

See what I’m saying? I think you do.

So now, next steps. Where does one go to hire a set of Pips?

Monster? LinkedIn? Maybe Craigslist.

Wanted: Three Pips. Must enthusiastically support everything I say. In harmony. Multiple woot wooos acceptable. Must provide own wide lapel leisure suits. Please apply via email. Provide references.





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Comments

  • Ephraim F. Moya

    Chiquitita,

    I hereby apply for a position as one of your pips.

    My qualifications:

    1) Many think I’m already a pip,
    2) I have a polyester suit. I’d have to enlarge the lapels,
    3) I get along well with other pips,
    4) I’m used to being bossed around by women,
    5) I’d work cheap. Just 50% of the gross would do for me.

    You might not like:

    1) I consider San Francisco cold and damp,
    2) I can’t sing, (that never bothered the first pips)
    3) I can’t dance, (also never bothered before)

    Regards,
    El Burlero

  • Alan

    Such an awesome post. Yes, we could all use some Pips of our own. Whoot whoo!

  • Dave Bonner

    One cannot escape the black and white side of your conversation. But indeed, in those two shades, pips are available in both. White likes black pips and black likes white pips. And a single box of forty-two rocks provides all the pips a sensible person could possibly keep track of. But there are those that like the “double twelve” game.

    Domino!

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