To The Thesaurus and Straight On To Dawn, Daybreak, Morn, Sunrise, Sunup
It’s that time of year again. A manager’s most favoritest season.
That’s right, performance review time.
Oh yes. Oh yes, yes, yessity yes.
There is a bright side here. I have a fairly small team (which is usually a BAD thing given how hard we work) and a couple folks are new, so I only have to write four appraisals this year. Four is not bad, right?
Oh gad, then why can’t I bring myself to get them done? I am the very last manager under my Boss to get them done. Everyone else finished in August or early September. It’s, um, the third week of September and I have until September 30 to finish, so technically I am not late.
But EVERYONE else is done and my minions are starting to ask questions.
“Mommy? How ‘come little Johnny already got *his* performance review?”
“Bring Mommy a beer, son, and you might get a raise this year.”
Ok, I hearken back to the year where I had to write fifteen of the buggers. I think I had a fire up my tushie that year because I got them all done in record time.
These piddling little four reviews? I just can’t seem to finish.
Today I put the nose to the grindstone and knocked out two. I felt like I’d just endured a root canal with no novocaine. I needed a martini and a cigarette and I am not even done yet.
My brain hurts. And, as with every year, I have made liberal use of the the thesaurus.
There are only so many ways you can say the same thing. “You did a fine job this year. You didn’t piss me off. You also didn’t knock me out of my seat. You showed up to work most days. You didn’t make me have to have the “stinky, take a shower” talk with you. You are nice to your coworkers. You don’t eat odorous food in your cubicle. You wear shoes. Hell, I’m even kind of fond of you, but sorry kiddo, once again this year you landed on the fat part of the bell curve. Here’s your average rating and thanks for putting up with me as a manager.”
Hey, that’s pretty good. I should use that. It’s quite complimentary, really.
Meanwhile my UK Boss will look at the stats tomorrow and he’ll see I made progress but I’m not done yet. He will harass me again.
It’s a good thing he already finished my appraisal back in August, huh?
Nooo image found on Sodahead.com.
Comic found on the Peter Anthony site.