The Marketing Department Needs a Hard Slap Across the Chops

Several years ago I did quite a riff on stupid car names. It’s good stuff, go back and read it if you get a chance.

In that same vein comes today’s post.

Stupid cell phone names. Yup, the mobile phone manufacturers have gone well past idiot car names and have slipped into ridiculous.

Since I work way, way too much with mobile phones, I have to not only see these dumb names, but utter them aloud.

Here’s my personal top eleven list of “Someone Should Get Slapped for that Brand Name”


  1. HTC Salsa: Seriously? Salsa? Because I’m going to dip a chip into the device? Bleah. Just Bleah!

  2. Palm Pre: The suffix pre means before. So this is the phone that’s what? Before the actual phone? Before the demise of Palm? Before HP killed it?

  3. Samsung :): Oh how I wish I was making that up. The actual name of the phone is :) How do you even go to the store and ask for that? “Um, yes, I’d like a sideways smiley please?” Lame. Lame. Lame.

  4. HTC Rhyme : Rhymes with stupid.

  5. Casio G’zOne Commando: First of all I can’t get over Casio, maker of tacky Dad-watches is also making phones. This is a kind of cool looking device, but godDAMN it’s a bad name. First of all, what the eff is G’zOne? And second of all, commando makes me think of going without chones. I don’t think my mobile device should evoke that.

  6. Motorola Citrus : Mmmmm! Lemony!

  7. Motorola Photon : I tested this device and I actually liked it a lot. But neither The Good Man nor I could stop pointing the device at each other and going “pew pew!” It is, after all, a photon. Pew!

  8. LG Remarq : One, you misspelled it. Two, my remarks are “WHAT THE SEVENTEEN KINDS OF SAM HELL ARE YOU THINKING with this name?!?!” That concludes my remarqs.

  9. Sanyo Innuendo : I heard a rumor this was a cool device, but it was just innuendo.

  10. LG Rumor : Oh for crimeny’s sakes!

  11. LG Thrill : I’m left…unthrilled.

That’s it, I’m done. I could go on and on. There is really no end to silly device names. I think the phone manufacturers think they are being clever.

I think they are anything but.

Not for nothing, but these are almost all Android devices. I used to think iPhone was a boring name. Right now it looks pretty damn good.

Don’t EVEN get me started on Google’s cutesy operating system names….




Cell phone art by Rob Pettit




This is a pretty tenuous use of Theme Thursday‘s theme of: Thrill


26 thoughts on “The Marketing Department Needs a Hard Slap Across the Chops”

    1. Peter – Oh god….no. Now you’ve forever attached Jar Jar to that device in my mind.

      DAMN YOU!!!

      ;)

      1. It is clearly a name pulled out of the reject pile for a lame copycat first person shooter computer game.

        Casio: Too sucky for 11-year-olds.

  2. You made me think about Norman and his pink Probe again.

    If I weren’t so old and lazy I’d write a book about my old bar regulars.

    1. Elise – So funny, I just re-read that comment too. Still a great story. I would LOVE to hear your bar stories. Truth really is stranger than fiction.

  5. Chica,

    G’z is frequently pronounced ‘Not another’ in Japanese.

    Did you know that gnu is spelled ñu in Spanish? I thought that was neat.

    How do you get ‘pew’ from photon?

    Regards,
    El Photono

    1. Ephraim – Not another indeed!

      And pew pew is the verbal approximation of the sound of a photon phaser. Not much of a Star Trek fan, then?

      2. Excuse me? Photon phaser? What Star Trek are you watching?

        Photon torpedoes and phasers are two different weapons systems. The sound you are trying to make is close to a photon torpedo.

        1. Big Bro – I think in any instance of “who’s the bigger nerd” you are always going to win.

          Well played.

  6. Well…gahdamn, gahDAMN.

    Android is dumb, too. It isn’t, ‘droid. More like a hemm…’roid.

    So many ways to make fun… so little time.

    :)

    1. Natalie – Hemm…roid. That is TOO gdamn funny!!!! Now THAT is going to be stuck in my brain too!!!!

  7. Truly funny post and comments. And with my moniker being Mrsupole and married to a telephone man, what can I say, phones must be up my alley. It is funny how our first cell phone was so big that when I would put it into my purse it became so heavy that it would almost always fall off my shoulder if I did not hold it tightly. And we were so proud to have them even though they did not work in most areas. Lots and lots of dropped calls back in those days. And the manufacturer was the name of the phone. Then someone made a flip phone and the rest is history.

    I saw a commercial the other day and it showed a toddler texting on a phone. We are seriously too attached to our cell phones. I know because my iPhone is attached to my hip. I asked my doc why I was having so much trouble sleeping and he said that I needed surgery to have it removed because I found it was easier to keep it charged by using my own electrical hip charger. And since I own the first terminator cell phone they decided to leave it attached because unplugging it would cause me sudden death. Truly freaky but that is almost how I feel if I think I lost the darn thing. Do you know if they have a 12 step cell phone program. I really need to go there.

    And think of how much money I would have if I got rid of my cell phone bill. Yeah, like that is going to ever happen.

    Thanks for playing this week’s Theme Thursday.

    God bless

  8. I don’t think I ever payed attention to phone names. If it looks cool and has features I like, why would I care?

    1. Big Bro – And I would have thought the father of three daughters and husband to a beautiful wife would have had some brand awareness beat into him by now. Congratulations on staying your course.

    1. Silver Fox – I do enjoy a good rant (as you may have noticed). I’ll check it out! Thanks for the comment!

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