Category: Rasquache

What’s in a name?

As spotted in the Albuquerque Journal…

quote:

“The state Court of Appeals has ruled against a Los Alamos man who wanted to change his name…to ‘F— Censorship!'”
________

Well all righty! Here, I’m freaking out trying to think of all the places I’ll have to go to make sure my new married name is on record. Meanwhile, there are people who do this kind of thing every day!

More:

“(The) law was clarified in a 2004 case in the same court that apparently involved the same petitioner. In that case, an Albuquerque man whose name was Snaphappy Fishsuit Mokiligon got the go-ahead from the appeals court to change his name to Variable.”
_____

And now Variable wants to be F— Censorship! Um. How do you put that on checks? Do people call you Mr. Censorship? Is the exclamation point part of the name?

This sends the creative juices a’flowing in my mind. I mean, the possibilities are ENDLESS. If I’m already in there mucking around with my legal name, are there other things I’d like to append on there?

Sockittome G Fingledangerburginstein?

Or maybe go with the one name in the vein of Cher, Madonna and Iman.

How about…

Cranky

Or…

Chartreuse

Or

Mood

Hmm.

Much to ponder………

I’ve got concerns.

First, read this brief article from the ABQjournal:

(edited for length)

“Someone stole a Santa Fe County Sheriff’s Department patrol car early Wednesday and apparently took it for a joy ride.

But the fun may not have stopped there for the bandit who took the patrol car from a county storage yard. Police are looking into the possibility the thief impersonated a sheriff’s deputy while using the stolen car to make traffic stops— while drunk.

The New Mexico State Police— which has taken over the investigation— is looking into a report the driver then used the car to make at least one traffic stop in Chimayó. A woman called State Police and told them that a man in a sheriff’s vehicle had stopped her and that he also seemed drunk.”

Ok so…questions and observations:

1) What size cajones does it take to steal a Sherffi’s car from the county lot? Or maybe not cajones, perhaps this is better measured in liters, or pints or….whatever measurement Mad Dog comes in.

2) Who hasn’t had, if even for a brief moment, the odd dream of making a stop in a patrol car. Blue and whites flashing. Sauntering up to the driver’s window, double knit beige polyester pants whiffing as you walk, mirrored aviator glasses in place. You utter something like, “Do you know how fast you were going?”

Someone was actually drunk enough to pull it off…and get away with it (so far).

3) How freaked out must the woman have been when she was stopped? WTF must THAT encounter have been like?

4) “(Santa Fe County sheriff’s Capt. Robert) Riggs said that in his 20 years as a cop, he hasn’t seen anything like this before.” You gotta work REAL hard to show a cop something he hasn’t seen before. Even in Santa Fe.

5) Is it wrong that I’m rooting, just a little, for the guy to not get caught? I know, I know, just because a crime is dadgum funny doesn’t make it any less a crime.

6) Once again, I’m ever so proud of where I come from. Go on Oh Fair New Mexico. Most other states take themselves WAY too seriously. We’ve still got the comedic edge. And that makes us special.

(Yes, yes, theft and drunken driving aren’t funny. But ya gotta admit, this guy had some flair.)

Just missing the ways of where I come from, for better and for worse.

Good news is I get to visit pretty soon.

Countin’ the days…

Old habits die hard.

Today as I meandered my way over to the shuttle bus to take me to the train, I picked my way through the parking lot at work. “Picked my way” because there is heavy construction going on at the building next door to mine.

Sitting there, by itself, in the lot, was an empty wooden wire spool. You know the type. Found at most construction areas.

Wanna know my first thought? “Man, should I take that?”

You know, it’s been some fifteen years since I graduated college. While I personally never had a wooden spool table, many friends did. I dated a few guys who did. I think the wooden spool furniture sensation is mainly a guy thing. Along with bookshelves made of cinder blocks and plywood.

It’s the same feeling I get when I see empty milk crates. I used many a purloined milk crate in my collegiate career. Good bookshelves, storage devices, and even a bedside table.

I think I still have some of those indestructible blue plastic things in my basement (all apologies to Price’s Dairy from, you know, fifteen years ago. What is the statute of limitations on absconding with a milk crate?).

Oh, is also happens when I see wooden pallets. Back then they were made from a pretty dense wood and if, say, a friend filled up the back of his pickup with a bunch of stolen pallets, piled them up by the river, poured diesel fuel on them and lit a match, you’d not only have a nice roaring fire, you’d have a long lasting warm, bright fire by which to socialize with friends.

For some reason, this old scrounging habit dies hard. The “making it work” when you have no money, and what little you do have must be saved to buy beer phenomenon still lives deep within me on a cellular level.

Despite the fact that I have a real job now and can buy beer, you know, pretty much whenever, I still have that moment of “I could take that…” and think about how it could be made useful.

I seriously considered how to get that spool out of there.

Then remembered a) I don’t need a table. I have one. A nice one. And 2) even if I didn’t have one, I could go to Ikea and buy a nice one. I don’t have to settle for a splintery wood spool.

So I’m still a scrounger from way back. But I refuse to eat Ramen noodles anymore.

Some habits you just gotta leave behind.

It’s all good

Ah poor, poor tragically beautiful and misguided Jessica Alba. She’s gone and got herself on the fighting side of my fair New Mexico. Or more specifically, the Duke City.

As reported by Jim Belshaw last week in his ABQJournal opinion piece.

From the article:

“Ms. Alba said: ‘In Albuquerque there’s really only one restaurant that’s pretty good. You can only take Applebee’s and Chili’s so much. Our big day was hanging out at Wal-Mart for five hours. It was like, ‘Yea, Wal-Mart!’ ”’

Ok, fair enough. I embrace the state of my state’s own rasquacheness, however, I found it an odd comment about Albuquerque. I mean, there’s more than THAT to do.

Well, to parrot Paul Harvey, now for the rest of the story…

Seems this young lady was a guest of the New Mexico School for the Blind and Visually Impaired in preparation for her latest movie release, “The Eye“. This was her time in New Mexico to which she was referring.

See, the funny thing is, NMSBVI is located in Alamogordo, not Albuquerque.

Now, I could get my Land of Enchantment up, all in a dander on behalf of BOTH Albuquerque and Alamogordo.

But why? Over the weekend, I talked a lot with my friend about how New Mexico is growing way too fast. Lots of those dang Californians (like me) selling their overvalued houses and buying up less expensive land. And bringing our bad attitude with us.

I figure Ms. Alba did us a favor, right? It’s good PR. Yeah, folks, the state’s largest City has only one, like, good restaurant. And only Wal-Mart for entertainment. That’s right! Who would want to live in a place like *that*, eh? Move along folks, I hear Idaho is fabulous this time of year.

Thanks Jessica! You just keep on being our PR agent. kay?

*Hugs*,

The fine people of New Mexico.

Oh, and here’s some love from Google maps! Enjoy!

Best line of the day**

(**Borrowing heavily from the NewMexiKen playbook, with acknowledgement)

Found in this brief story in the ABQjournal.

Background: a 24-year old man pleads guilty to shooting, from his moving vehicle no less, nine sheep or goats and one dog. That’s, count ’em, three felonies.

Shooting, for no good reason, really. Boredom? Borracho? Both?

“I have no idea what they were thinking, and I would venture a guess that they’re probably wondering what they were thinking then, too,” Chief Deputy District Attorney Dustin O’Brien said.

That gave me a chuckle over lunch at my desk. Hope it’s true. A little after-the-fact remorse is a good thing, in this case.