Category: cursing

Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy…

No, I’m not doing an Easter bunny impression. Tho Easter is nigh…can you JUST believe it? Easter already. To where do the months evaporate?

Meanwhile, back to my anticipatory restlessness.

I have truly become an internet consumer. I ordered something *really cool* online last week. They said it would ship the next day. It did not. My expectation was one day ship. I demand one day ship!

Yesterday I navigated an awful call tree at Big Conglomerate (and I work for a different Big Conglomerate and procure call trees as part of my job, so I know from which I speak) and when I finally got a real person on the line, I screwed up my righteous indignation and demanded to know where my not inexpensive product was.

I was told, “huh…we can’t figure out why it didn’t ship. I need to contact the warehouse. It will take 24 to 48 business hours to get back to you.”

Business hours? Ok, where I come from “business day” is eight hours. I’m no good at math, but 24 divided by 8 is THREE DAYS.

To which I replied, “I am NOT happy with that estimate”.

They said that was just to protect in case of a weekend, but they really meant one to two days.

One day has elapsed. No response.

Back on the phone. In an endless hold queue.

How ’bout this to ponder. Why does on hold music universally SUCK? It is the soundtrack to my insanity. It really is.

Meanwhile, my leg is bouncing.

I reeeeeally want this item I’ve ordered. It’s not like air or food or something. I just have internet buyer lust.

Plus, by buying something, I’m, like, helping the economy, maaahn!

*sigh*

“Please continue to hold and your call will be answered in the order it was received.”

: hostile :

A survivor’s tale

They got me. It was an all out attack. Nasty little buggars. Small. Vicious. Pack mentality. They work best in groups, plan their strategy and take down their prey.

They tend to migrate. They know the best hunting grounds fresh with prey and return to them year after year. They spread. You never see just one or two. They multiply. Fast.

As old ones go out, new ones rush in to take their place. Unstoppable.

I ran into a nest of ’em right outside my grocery store. I never stood a chance.

Thankfully the losses were minimal. I got out with only a box of Thin Mints and a box of Samoas.

I’ll know to keep my guard up next time……

*coff coff*

You know just the other day while riding the CalTrain, I saw a nice, handsome man giving me “the look”. You know the look. The “I’m checking you out” look. I sat up a little straighter. Blushed appreciatively. Until I realized he was checking out the twenty-something year old blond sitting next to me.

And I thought, “What’s she got that I ain’t got?” Well. Perkier boobs for one, because mine were already in high school before blondie was born.

Oy. And so I gave myself the usual litany of “you are only as old as you feel” and “youth is wasted on the young” and “age is a state of mind”.

It’s true, I don’t actually *feel* any older than the child with the supple, elastic skin seated next to me. In fact, at this age, I feel SO much better about myself. Stronger. More self-aware. About eight million times more confident.

So feeling better about myself I bounced from the train and into my day, deciding that pimply boy wasn’t all that interesting anyway. I’m young. I’m hip. I have an iPhone.

I just got my hair colored again, covering the grays and putting an even deeper tone of red in there. I have a job and an engagement ring. I’m happenin’, man.

Then I read the entertainment section of my local paper and stumbled across this article and felt all the gray hairs sproing up on my head.

Prince is having hip replacement surgery.

That little red Corvette will need to be an automatic cuz my boy can’t work the clutch anymore. Darling Nikki uses Oil of Olay. Purple rain the color of a Prilosec tab.

It happens to the best of us, I suppose.

This on the heels of hearing that the timeless and ageless Omar Vizquel needs knee surgery.

*wheeze*

Time, that unforgiving b*tch, marches on.

The Fools!

About a year ago I put in for a new job at work. It would be a promotion. I’d be the boss of myself, which would be fun, but difficult at staff meetings…what with me ordering myself around like a minion and everything.

Yesterday after a long year of *waiting*, I heard from my boss that they “decided to go another way”. Which means, they hired an external candidate.

I was assured “it’s not you, it’s me” and “we can still be friends” and “I just need to see other employees” and other tried and true breakup lines.

I like my current boss, so it’s a bit sad, but really, I’m ok about it.

I think, maybe, Boss Lady might have done me a favor. The expectations around that job role are a little weird. It’s been vacant for like a year and a half. No one really knows what that job is supposed to do anymore. I even asked my Vice-President when he interviewed me what were his expectations. He had no answer. That concerns me. It’s nigh impossible to do a job when you have NO idea what is expected of you.

In addition, one of my employees worked with this incoming person at another company and didn’t have high marks.

Oh well, I’ve suffered fools in this department before.

Like I said…maybe in the end, this is actually for the best.

Next!

It’s all good

Ah poor, poor tragically beautiful and misguided Jessica Alba. She’s gone and got herself on the fighting side of my fair New Mexico. Or more specifically, the Duke City.

As reported by Jim Belshaw last week in his ABQJournal opinion piece.

From the article:

“Ms. Alba said: ‘In Albuquerque there’s really only one restaurant that’s pretty good. You can only take Applebee’s and Chili’s so much. Our big day was hanging out at Wal-Mart for five hours. It was like, ‘Yea, Wal-Mart!’ ”’

Ok, fair enough. I embrace the state of my state’s own rasquacheness, however, I found it an odd comment about Albuquerque. I mean, there’s more than THAT to do.

Well, to parrot Paul Harvey, now for the rest of the story…

Seems this young lady was a guest of the New Mexico School for the Blind and Visually Impaired in preparation for her latest movie release, “The Eye“. This was her time in New Mexico to which she was referring.

See, the funny thing is, NMSBVI is located in Alamogordo, not Albuquerque.

Now, I could get my Land of Enchantment up, all in a dander on behalf of BOTH Albuquerque and Alamogordo.

But why? Over the weekend, I talked a lot with my friend about how New Mexico is growing way too fast. Lots of those dang Californians (like me) selling their overvalued houses and buying up less expensive land. And bringing our bad attitude with us.

I figure Ms. Alba did us a favor, right? It’s good PR. Yeah, folks, the state’s largest City has only one, like, good restaurant. And only Wal-Mart for entertainment. That’s right! Who would want to live in a place like *that*, eh? Move along folks, I hear Idaho is fabulous this time of year.

Thanks Jessica! You just keep on being our PR agent. kay?

*Hugs*,

The fine people of New Mexico.

Oh, and here’s some love from Google maps! Enjoy!