Category: blogging

Guilt.

I have it.

What is it, exactly, about the holidays that makes guilt so possible?

True, I’m an easily guilted child. A fact my folks used to great advantage when raising me. And yet, the month of December seems to be the guilt month, no doubt.

Owing to my Catholic upbringing (I’m no longer practicing), guilt was sort of woven into my early life. And in the good Catholic tradition, confession is good for the soul…

I feel guilty that my mom is alone for the holidays. I mean, she’s not *really* alone, my aunt and uncle are nearby and look after her, but since my dad passed, she’s had a tough time of it. I shouldn’t feel guilty. My folks weren’t very people oriented, so they had few friends. In my mom’s waning years, she doesn’t have that many people to rely on and she’s honestly burned a few bridges with her children. She keeps wanting me to move closer to her. I just can’t (for many reasons). And years of hard mental work have told me that taking care of myself is important (and isn’t selfish). And so despite the fact that it’s the right thing for me to be here and live my life, I still feel guilty.

I feel guilty that I’ve been so involved in work and trying to finish up that I haven’t paid enough attention to my home life. The Cute Boy™ and The Feline are fine, they love me, support me, are happy I made it through. I guess I want to be all things to all people (and pets). I tend to take on all this guilt when I can’t be “perfect”. Ugh, what’s with that?

I feel guilty that I’ve eaten too many holiday cookies. :)

I feel guilty that I got my Christmas cards out late. I know, not a crime, but damnit! How hard is it to send out a few cards? (Hard enough when you are working too much and are exhausted….there goes that perfectionist thing again.)

I feel guilty that my job is a decent job and pays reasonably well but I actually don’t like it and want more than anything to flee. I should be more grateful for everything that place has done for me, and yet I just cringe going in there every day. I’ll spend the next two weeks pondering this one. I’ve reached critical mass. Time to you-know-what or get off the pot about this topic.

And of course, I feel guilty that I haven’t managed to update my blog most of this past week and so here it is, 7:40am on my first day off and I’m writing up a guilt post.

Good lord my brain is a complex place.

So as of this moment, I grant myself absolution. I don’t even have to do an act of contrition, I’m pretty contrite already.

My penance is to love myself a little more today. To ease up a bit. To hug my man and cat a bit more and to enjoy the hell out of my Christmas holidays.

Now I shall go out and make it so.

Point and Counter Point

I was caught a little off guard at the overwhelming response to my “Top ten things I miss about Christmas in New Mexico” post from a couple days back. I’ve been thinking about it a lot, how cool it is that my experiences are familiar to others.

So since it’s been a *really* long week at work, I’m not sleeping well, acid reflux is at an all time high, and I’m physically and mentally exhausted….oh and cuz it’s Friday, I decided to come up with my top ten things I DON’T miss about Christmas in New Mexico….tongue FIRMLY planted in cheek, of course.

< humor = "on" >

1) “OH MY GOD, SNOW IS FALLING FROM THE SKY, IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD!! I WILL DRIVE TOO FAST, RICCOCHET OFF OF PARKED CARS AND FORGET TO BRAKE SLOWLY, THUS SLIDING THROUGH INTERSECTIONS!” Yeah…my sister was a claims adjuster for a large insurance company for many years. Oh the stories she would tell after an Albuquerque snowstorm. You know, it snows at least once every year…why the freak out, folks?

2) The endless hearings of Feliz Navidad. In every store. On the street. In restaurants. I know I waxed rhapsodic about it a few days ago, but as with every year, after a few listens, I’m over it.

3) Nelson Martinez Mariachi Christmas. : shudder :

4) Another Kokopelli Christmas ornament. I am not one to look in askance at a gift from anyone, but damn, people! Christmas ornaments are a great gift, but change it up sometimes! How about a hummingbird? Or a fetish bear? I’m a southwest girl, sure, but the ol’ Kokopelli isn’t my fave guy. Plus, isn’t he a fertility bringer? Do I *really* need that?

5) Could it *be* any more difficult to park at Coronado Center at the holidays? Geez! (Ok, from what I hear, no one shops there anymore….but back in the day…it sucked)

6) Rasquache by the river. After I was into adulthood, my parents retired and moved to Los Chavez. They lived right near the river on the Bosque. It was kind of country out there and I loved it. But a lot of their rural neighbors would get their kids dirt bikes, ATV’s or new shotguns for Christmas…and of course they’d all run up and down the ditch roads trying out their new toys all day long. It was like a freaking war zone out there. It wasn’t *quite* country enough for all of that…

7) When there is not enough damn snow to ski on. Bah! Isn’t that was all that time off from work is for?!?!?! Can’t ski on dirt, people!

8) Kelly Liquor store is open on Christmas morning. Oh no, wait, that’s a good thing. Nevermind.

9) The not well organized Xmas display in my neighbor’s yard that stays up (and lit) until August. I am no electrician, but I’m pretty sure too many stacked up strings of lights in one feeble extension cord isn’t safe. Plus, does one yard really need a full size Santa with all three reindeer, a full on nativity scene with a plastic baby Jesus, and the sun faded flamingos? I mean REALLY!

10) That one funky hominy kernel in my bowl of posole that, despite resting in the pot all day with all his little corn kernel friends refuses to cook like a good hominy should. I mean, cooking down with pork and red chile is an honor, but nooo, you gotta stay like a rock and bust my back filling when I chomp down on you. Whatever! Just bring me good luck in the New Year and we’ll call it even.

You know, this list was a LOT harder to write than the last one. Guess that’s cuz Christmas in New Mexico rocks.

Enjoy, ya’ll, and have a happy weekend!

What would Funk and Wagnall say?

Heard on local radio talk show yesterday morning and confirmed via the AP and the Albuquerque Tribune, the Word of the Year for 2007 is:

w00t!

Yup.

Now, who am I to complain? I’m a big fan of the word. It peppers my personal emails, has made an appearance in this very blog (and here and here and….uh a few more times too….). But I’m not sure the word is Miriam-Webster worthy.

How do I feel about this? I sort of don’t like it when a slang word is legitimized. I mean…doesn’t that take some of the fun away? I love words, I really do, I’m a certified linguaphile (*wink*) but I also really love made up words. My best friend and I have a vocabulary all our own. It’s fun to bastardize words. And w00t is fun because the letters and numbers make it a word that’s not quite a word, but heck, even if you’ve never seen the word, you can get the joyous meaning when you see: w00t!!

It’s word that means what it sounds like.

If I recall my English teacher’s hardworking edumacation, that would be an onomatopoeia.

There’s my nickel word for the week. (NMSU grad in the hizz house, w00t!)

Today, it’s w00t, tomorrow it’s teh…before you know it STFU will be a part of the formal lexicon. I want to know when w00t shows up on a kid’s spelling test….

Anyhow, best to just end this post with a w00t! for the selection of w00t! as the word of the year.

Link via.

Follow up and updates

So thought I’d tack on to this post from last week regarding the fuel oil spill in the Bay Area.

Over the weekend I picked up the Friday edition of the The Examiner with a headline reading “Fishermen take to Bay as ban lifted”. Below that is a smaller headline “Officials say initial location of oil slick wrong”. I bought some coffee and grabbed a seat and got caught up on the latest. This story had dropped out of the headlines so I had no idea where it stood.

Long way around the barn, the fishing ban imposed by Gov. Schwarzenegger on November 13 has been lifted. The article says “…crabs and fish were found safe to eat…” but it doesn’t give any source, who did the testing, and what was tested. Pardon me for remaining suspicious. To add to the drama, the season was opened, but high winds kept most boats off the water.

Below this main story was a smaller one about how in the time immediately following the collision, The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration provided projections about how the oil would move which proved to be wrong. It would be easy for me to sit here and take pot shots, however, I can’t. I’ve been on that water. I’ve sat by that water. It’s notoriously unpredictable.

At the end of the day, it can be described as “a comedy of errors” which often happens in these situations. And plans are underway to figure out how to handle it better next time.

I’m hoping, now, at the end of the day, the fishermen can still make and sell their catch and we can put this environmental disaster behind us.

In other news…cue “nah nah nah, hey hey hey, goodbye”, the ABQjournal reporting today that the City Council voted to put a hold on the traffic camera program, meaning no fines issued until a decision is made in January about whether to even continue the program. Talk about a comedy of errors! Drive on good people of Oh Fair New Mexico!

photo by Karen Fayeth