An Open Letter on Behalf of Mankind
Dear engineer-type gentleman I just passed on the way into the cafeteria:
I appreciate that today is pretty warm day. The weatherman predicts temps as high at 95 degrees where we are.
I also appreciate that when the weather heats up, it’s always nice to release your legs from the tyranny of pants.
Given that our employer favors a “business casual” environment, shorts are, for the most part ok.
What I take issue with, sir, is not that you are wearing shorts, but rather the shorts you chose to wear. That garment was obviously bought in or around the year of 1985 when both you and Larry Bird had the legs to pull off a pair of uncomfortably short shorts.
The year is now 2010 and neither you nor Mr. Bird should put people through this. It’s a lot to deal with while strolling the campus of this very conservative and well-respected multi-national corporation.
I fear for your manhood when you sit, good sir, because there is not enough cloth available, given the dimensions of your now engineer-like body, to cover all that needs to be covered.
No. Don’t bend over. Please. I’m begging you.
Just take your cheeseburger and fries and head back to whatever research lab you emerged from.
I shall go cleanse my eyes with a Brillo pad.
Let’s not have this chat again, eh?