Category: funny
When a Good Idea Pops You Across The Chops
“Where do you get your ideas?”
It’s a question I get asked a lot. Sometimes with a shake of the head after reading one of my more out there blog posts. Sometimes with genuine curiousity.
I even talked about it a bit here.
Really, I think coming up with ideas is about being an observer of life. About noticing the little things here and there and then talking/writing/painting/arting about them.
For me, I’ve always thought the world is a fairly absurd place, and I find something to laugh about or think about (or both) every day. Ideas are everywhere. Around every corner. In the sky. On the ground. At the bottom of your cup of coffee. Yet so many still can’t see them or maybe don’t pay attention.
Then sometimes, a good idea pops me so hard across the chops that I don’t know how anyone could be oblivious.
Today, I had to have a minor procedure done at my HMO. The center where I had this done performs a LOT of different minor procedures so there were a lot of us, and my doctor was running late. This meant I had some time on my hands as I sat there in the ready area in my backless gown with a blue shower cap thing on my head.
I was separated from the other patients by only a thin curtain on either side.
I listened as the 88 year old lady in the slot next to me ran down the list of medications she is allergic to (quinine..what an odd thing to be allergic to), explained that her knees hurt all the time and could they prop them up. She was also quite determined to make sure every person attending to her knew it was her left eye that was the problem. She was very concerned over them getting the wrong eye. Very concerned.
There is totally a story there. I mean, I was already starting to craft it in my head as I waited. I wished I had my trusty MacBook so I could start making notes.
Then there was the 67 year old woman on the other side of me. She was there for a colonoscopy. She was clearly nervous, you could hear by her voice. She was very docile and compliant to everything the nurse asked of her, but she struggled a bit to get into her gown (I heard her muttering to herself).
When they came to get her for her procedure, I heard the nurse say, “Ma’am, I’m sorry to tell you this, but you have to take off your underwear.”
pause
Bwahahahaha!
C’mon! You can’t make this up!
But by far the best idea I heard all day was when the doctor came into the space next door (the lady with the eye issues) and said, “Hello Mrs. Sanchez. I’m Dr. Scary. I’ll be working on you today. This is my nurse, her name is Mercy. Are you ready to begin?”
A doctor called Scary and a nurse called Mercy? Tell me that isn’t a fabulous short story just begging to happen.
I was catching ideas with a butterfly net today!
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And for the record, for my procedure, I got to keep my underwear on.
Just sayin’.
Image from the Best Quotes and Poetry blog.
Score One for Immaturity
My employer inhabits a lot of super large office buildings and I have to say, all in, it’s a pretty nice space.
I’m often impressed at the investment made in actual artwork. It’s not that usual drab office decor, but actual artwork. Paintings, sculptures, mixed media stuff. Really wonderful and thought provoking works.
I consider myself something of an artist, so I like to stop and take a look, really look, at these wonderful additions to my work life.
Not long after I started, I had occasion to be up on one of the high numbered floors of my building. There is a super duper large conference room up there, and it’s perfect for big negotiation meetings.
On that floor, in the open area where you wait for our notoriously slow elevators, there is a particularly large painting.
So one day, I was feeling the euphoria I get after pulling off a huge meeting. I hummed a happy tune while waiting and waiting for an elevator car.
My eyes naturally went to the painting. It’s not my favorite style, but I looked at it really close to understand what the painter was trying to say to me.
Here, I’ll let it speak to you too:
Well, so, I kept looking at the thing. My eyes were irresistibly drawn to the middle of the canvas.
You know…this part.
That inner voice of mine, the one that gets me in trouble, started giggling like a Jolt cola infused Beavis and Butthead.
“Dude,” the inner voice said, “That looks like a uniboob.”
For my male readers who may not understand….a uniboob is what we ladies call the effect that happens with some of the “shelf” tank tops and some bathing suit tops. It’s where the boobs are sort of smushed together and, well, it looks like you have one big boob.
Generally, we ladies like a little separation to the assets.
But c’mon now, am I wrong? That’s a uniboob, right?
So I snickered. And giggled. And guffawed.
Dude, there’s a nipple painting at my job! *snork, chortle*
I mean, look at this thing! That’s totally a nipple!
I let the giggling go on a while, but then that OTHER inner voice, the one that’s all responsible and mature and stuff admonished me. “Would they *really* hang a nipple painting at this large, important and serious company? I think not. Grow up!”
Inner Beavis and Butthead just kept hooting and hollering.
So then responsible voice said “let’s look at the tag and see if the title of the work tells us something more.”
I looked. It tells us a lot.
The painting is called “Mother”.
Yup.
There’s a big mommy uniboob painting prominently displayed on one of the executive floors of my place of employment. *giggle, snort*
That there’s your art appreciation break for the day.
You’re welcome.
From a Different Angle
Today at lunch, I took a quiet, solo walk on the walking path near my office. Since my walking partner was too busy to come along and my iPod battery was tapped out, it was just me alone with my thoughts.
A dangerous combination.
Being without distraction makes me more observant of everything going on around me. For example, the blue nosed ducks that have arrived as the weather turns colder. The squabbling Canada geese. The flatfish skimming the bottom of shallow waters in the lagoon.
And the humans. Oh those wacky humans.
As I rounded one corner of the path, I saw two guys in business suits taking photos of each other. They were standing by our iconic tall building with the company logo on top. This is a not unusual sight, really. In fact, I think for some of my coworkers in Asia, having a photo from headquarters posted on their internal directory page is a badge of honor.
Since so many people have that photo on their page, everyone is trying to get the different, quirky and odd take on the same photo so they can stand out a little.
This came to mind as I noticed one of the guys posed awkwardly with his finger pointing up. The other was splayed out on the ground, almost in the water, camera pointing up, coaching his subject “a little to the right…a little up…a little more…”
I know what they were doing. They were trying to replicate that cheesey internet meme where through the magic of perspective and photography it looks like someone is holding up a bridge or touching a seventh wonder of the world.
Like this:
Image from homdoc74‘s Flickr photostream
Only with an office building. I have to admit, they weren’t being shy about this at all. They were really going for it. I kind of felt bad for the guy laying on the ground wearing a full dark suit. That’s going to be a weird one to explain when he gets back to the training room. (there’s a sales training going on this week and there are a TON of dark suits wandering around)
I’ll bet the photo will look cool. But the set up looked goofy as hell.
Something akin to this:
Photo from PhotographyUncapped.com
That There is a Winner!
As the Holiday season draws to a close, just two days now until “The Big Day” those of us at work come together for our annual “What Did You Get From The Suppliers?” comparison event.
As I started my career working for the government, I rather enjoy being in private industry where we can accept small tokens from the companies we work with.
Now let me just say, I’m usually the big loser in these competitions because I work with the telco commodity. Those companies are as cheap as the day is long.
I thought I had a pretty good entry this year for Worst Present. I got this tacky plexiglass picture frame that sits in a weird base and when I put the plastic part into the base, it immediately broke.
And then, I got ANOTHER one in the mail the next day. Their sales team clearly didn’t coordinate.
So I brought that out and declared it the worst gift of 2011.
But I got trumped and trumped hard.
“Oh NO!” I heard from the corner. “I can beat that.”
Beat that, she did.
Behold:
Now, it helps to know that the recipient of this present is a very classy, stylish girl from the City. She’s quite Coco Chanel and Jimmy Choo.
To make this gift even more charming, it was handed to my coworker while still wrapped in the plastic shopping bag from the Dallas airport.
Obviously I had to concede the race. I reboxed my broken plexiglass frame in defeat.
By the way, the lady with the worst gift is also the winner of the most and best gifts too. She works in temporary staffing. Those suppliers fall all over themselves to give stuff away at the holidays.
I need to consider working in a new group. This annual defeat, even in the worst category, is gosh darn humbling.
And for as ungrateful as I may seem, I really do enjoy the little trinkets our suppliers send.
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Especially when it is a box of See’s candy.