Oh my…how utterly delicious!

Found on the internets, beatiful, stunning, precious and semi-precious stone Dia de los Muertos rings and pendants…from….

You’ll never believe this….

Dior.

Oh sweet pretties, from the “Coffret de Victoire” collection available on the Dior Joaillerie website.

I note the site doesn’t list prices. Er, sure.

But you know, if anyone has any piles of cash laying around they’d like to blow, I’d sure love this first ring (skull crafted in coral) :

Or, you know, I’d sure take this ring (skull crafted in turquoise) :

Sure wouldn’t refuse this ring either (skull crafted in mother of pearl) :

Or how about a stunning pendant? Again, in coral.

But gee, I sure wouldn’t like to have this one.

Yeah, not really. Just trying to be modest. This pendant is *gorgeous*!

I’ll be looking for all five of these baubles to show up under my Christmas tree this year….

In, uh, Karen-Fantasy-Christmas-World!

A girl can dream, can’t she?

That’s very punny!

Halloween *groan* jokes. Found at My Loonyverse blog.

You might be a redneck if the jack-o-lantern on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.

Why did the vampire buy Nyquil? To stop his coffin.

Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? He didn’t have the guts.

What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? A sand-witch

What kind of music do mummies listen to? Rap. (get it? Wrap?)

Where does the ghost take his family on vacation? Mali-boo.

What do you call someone who puts poison in the Cheerios? A cereal killer.

What is the witch’s favorite subject? Spelling.

Why don’t mummies go on vacation? They are afraid they’ll relax and unwind.

Where do ghosts get their nails done? The boo-ty parlor.

What is a vampires biggest fear? Tooth decay.

What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon? A sour-puss.

Why aren’t there any famous skeletons? They’re a bunch of nobodies.

What do you get when you divide the diameter of a jack-o-lantern by its circumference? Pumpkin pi.

How do you get the jack-o-lantern to stop smoking? Give him a pumpkin patch.

What is the zombie’s favorite dessert? Ladyfingers.

(I think pumpkin pi is my fave!)

Infomercial Wow

Over the holiday break, my lazy hind-end had the opportunity to watch a LOT more television than I usually do.

And since I watch sans a TiVo or similar device, I am subjected to all manner of commercials. The retail onslaught has been hard and heavy this year.

But sometimes, there is a commercial that rises above the rest.

It began with the repeated ads for a product called ShamWow.

A very enthusiastic guy with a wireless microphone headset (mildly reminiscent of Madonna in the Vogue years, image here) and an east coast New York/New Jersey blend accent extolled the virtues of this fabulous new absorbent product.

Okay. Well, good. Very spongy.

But the commercial stood out more for the oddball guy making the pitch than for the product itself. I admit, it was, as they say in the marketing world, “sticky”. I can remember the product name off the top of my head, so it’s working.

Then a couple days ago, the ShamWow guy showed up in a new ad for something called a SlapChop. This product is a new and improved version of a good ol’ kitchen chopper.

Same guy, same accent, but he’s got a schtick working now. There he is, chopping away at a variety of items, telling us that the SlapChop is going to transform our lives.

Then he said something in the ad that caused The Good Man and I to stop all activity and look at each other.

“Did he really say that,” I asked, and TGM nodded.

What my new television pal Vince Offer said was:

“You’re going to love my nuts.”

He then showed how the SlapChop can decimate the nut of your choice to tiny bits.

Then later he also said, “Stop having a boring tuna.”

Well yeah! Who wants a boring tuna!

At first I was kind of put off by this Vince guy, but the more he shows up on my television screen (which is a LOT lately), the more I’m in this guy’s corner.

A quick Wikipedia glance makes for some good reading. (you’ve made it when you have a Wiki about you…right?)

I found a Slate article, and below is the best quote that sums up exactly what I wanted to say:

“Vince…conveys a street-smart persona—with his headset microphone, rat-a-tat phrasing and fuhgeddaboutit confidence—that’s intended to get the viewer thinking, “Hey, this guy’s sharp. He knows a good deal.” (It may also get us thinking, “Hey, this guy’s a douche. He needs a better haircut.” But that’s a secondary issue.)”

Can Vince become the next Billy Mays (of OxiClean and OrangeGlo fame)?

Time will tell.

For now, let me just say this. You’re gonna love his nuts.

Image from SlapChop website.