A Fairytale of Warmpfs
And so it came to pass on that Day of Memorials that the skies above the Bay Area did roil and boil and drop misty but not significant amounts of water from the sky. With these misting drops came a strong wind and chilled the area and its people to their very bones.
“I think I’ll take a hot bath,” said the fair skinned, dark haired princess to her handsome prince. “My nose is cold and my feet are cold and I am cranky.”
“Then havest thou a bath,” the tall handsome Good Man said. And so our princess did remove herself to the privy to partake of a warm water float.
“Yes, this is better,” she said to herself as she tried to fit every limb on her long frame into the beckoning waters of a standard sized bathtub.
When the princess had finished washing her locks and scrubbing her stuff, the water had gone tepid and it was time to remove herself from the tub and into a fluffy towel.
Upon exiting the tub, the princess quickly began to chill down again. The ferocious frosty winds were just no match for her now damp fair skin.
“Can I turn the heater up?” she asked and The Good Man agreed.
Then the princess heard the distinct noise of the clothes dryer ending its cycle and powering down.
“Oh!” thought the princess, “I have a grand idea!”
So she took herself to the side of the dryer machine and opened the door. Warm air escaped the dryer and happy clean dry clothes greeted her.
“Hi!” they said.
“Hello fair clothing, how nice to see you!”
And then the fair princess realized that contained among those clean clothes were a significant number of pairs of chones*, because the princess had been a little lax in doing laundry lately.
Oh, the entire collection of undergarments awaited.
“Which one of you chones wants to get on my butt?” the girl asked the garments. (yes, she actually asked this to a load of laundry)
And each one piped up “Me! Me!” Oh yes, the black pair, the pink pair, the faded maroon pair and even the crisp white pair all vied for the chance to warm the ‘tocks of their princess.
It was a challenging decision, but finally a choice was made. The pink and black striped pair were lifted from the pile and slid into place.
Oh how warm those chones felt on the cold girl butt! And the girl smiled.
Because when the butt is warm, the girl is happy.
And so it was.
Image found here.