Dear Mother Nature,
As you know, over the years you and I have enjoyed an especially close relationship. You bring me the sun and the ocean and endless blue skies. You are in charge of all that is outdoors that I love and enjoy.
And you do a fine job of it, don’t get me wrong.
Being a woman as you are, we all know that we ladies can be prone to *moods*, and that is to be expected. Fickle moods. Cranky moods. Just…moods.
Over the years I’ve forgiven a lot of your more extreme bouts of moodiness.
Remember the time I had to dive into a wet alfalfa field because you struck the telephone pole I was walking past with a big blast of lightening?
Yeah. I forgave.
Remember I cried my eyes out in the winter of 1997 (that so called El Niño winter) because I thought it would never stop raining?
Remember that time I drove to Silver City, New Mexico on the hottest day of the year? My car was overheating, so I had to turn on the heater to help keep it cool enough to finish the trip, and when I arrived, I realized I’d sweated through all of my clothing?
That wasn’t fun.
But I’ve been able to let by gones be by gones.
You are entitled to be a little whimsical now and again. Heck, enjoy yourself!
But this year…well, I think it’s time we have a serious talk.
You *might* need to seek professional help for this schizophrenic behavior you are exhibiting.
It’s sunny, it’s rainy, it’s too hot, then it’s too cold.
You can’t seem to make up your mind, alternating between sunny and rainy on a given day!
Ma’am, today is the frapping twenty seventh day of May.
May. You remember? Spring?
When the birds sing and the sun shines and a (straight) young man’s fancy turns towards young ladies in short skirts?
No one wears short skirts in the drenching rain!
Um. Look. I just did my toes and they are a fabulous shade of melon pink. I want to show them off.
When it’s fiercely raining and yes, HAILING outside, I can’t show of my fabulously painted toes because they are covered by my wellies.
Ok, look. I understand that living in Northern California means ya gotta accept the rain. I get that. But c’mon! Can’t you give a desert born and raised girl a break?
And let’s talk about my friends in places like Utah and Colorado who are getting SNOW?
Look sister, you need to get a hold of yourself!
Might I remind you that this weekend is Memorial Day? Hot dogs and cookouts and the beginning of summer fun?
So why *exactly* is there rain and snow in the forecast?
You know, they make meds that can help this condition.
Why don’t I make you an appointment? Maybe some talk therapy will help you work out your issues.
I’m here to support you. Just so you know…I’m a much more supportive friend in the sunshine.
I’m just saying.
(bonus points if you remember the tagline from this commercial)