Self Help Advice From a 2 year old

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Too funny not to share.

And…..never stop seizing stuff.

_________________

Originally from the JasonGood365 webpage and reprinted in Huffington Post.


SELF HELP ADVICE FROM A 2 YEAR OLD.


1. Challenge yourself every day. Try climbing the stairs carrying two soccer balls while wearing your father’s shoes. Remember, failure IS an option.


2. De-clutter! Start by throwing all your dishes in the garbage. After that I suggest toothbrushes and important paper work.


3. Pee on the floor and stomp in it like a puddle. You’ll be shocked how much better you feel.


4. Whether the glass is half empty or half full is irrelevant if you dump it out on the sofa. You’re welcome.


5. If you’re feeling aggressive, or just bored, scream in a cat’s face.


6. Don’t ever be afraid to hand someone an ice cube while they’re on the toilet. That stuff is cold. You don’t have to be in pain!


7. Socks are poison. Trust me, don’t wear them! Happiness will soon follow!


8. Pound on a computer keyboard like Jerry Lee Lewis playing the piano. Feel better? I thought so. Great Balls of Fire!


9. If you fall down, stay down. Someone will pick you up eventually.


10. Quick thrills fuel the heart. Have you learned to delete things off the DVR yet? DO IT. It’s AwWwWwEsOmE.


11. Seize the day and the night and the middle of the night and the early morning. Seize everything, y’all! Never stop seizing stuff.


12. Tired of looking at yourself in the mirror? So was I until I met my friend permanent marker. FACE TATTOOS ARE RAD.


13. This might be a tough one, but you gotta trust me: Take a crap in the tub. It’s surreal.


14. Live in the moment because there is nothing else. Seriously, there isn’t. Not that I’m aware of at least.


15. If you’re gonna run, do it at top speed, man. Life is too short to walk in the mall.


16. I’ve seen God, and his name is iPad. Let us pray.






Electronic Confession

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I don’t really consider myself to be a gadget kind of girl. I mean, I do like my electronic device (ahemiPadcoff) now and again, but I don’t tend to get every new device the moment it hits the market.

It’s just not that important to me. Fer goodness sakes! I still have a tube television! (*gasp*)

The iPod I use is the second generation shuffle, which is still my favorite iPod.

I do have an iPhone 4, but I bought that when I started this job almost 17 months ago. I had an iPhone 3 prior, but an OS update had rendered it unusable (sooo slooow), so I upgraded to a new device.

My iPhone4 works great. I’m happy with it. Nary a problem. Yep. It’s all good.

So I was looking in my work ordering system the other day, and lo and behold, it reported I was eligible for a phone upgrade.

And I thought naaaah, I don’t need a new iPhone 4s.

And I thought naaah.

And I thought some more.

And then I thought…well maybe.

And I thought. And thought.

And then without thinking, I ordered one.

(My employer doesn’t pay for the device, by the way. Only the service.)

Gah!

Maybe I am a bit of a gadget head. At least about Apple gear. I’m quite susceptible to the magic they weave.

Do you suppose Siri will take my confession?

Bless me Siri, for I have sinned. I have lust in my heart for a device I totally don’t need.

Now where is that delivery? Huh, huh? Where? How about now? How about now?

Siri, are we there yet?



Cartoon by Nitrozac & Snaggy from JoyofTech.com



This week’s Theme Thursday is: gadget


A Dead Language

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When I was a pre-teen and earning a few extra bucks as a babysitter, I sat for a family who had two young, rambunctious boys. They were a good family but those boys were a nightmare to babysit.

Since the parents would usually be out late, the mom liked for me to write up a little note before I left for the evening so that in the morning she could review what the boys ate, when they went to bed, how they behaved, etc.

Those little creeps knew they were hellions, and so when it came time for me to write up the note, they always were at each elbow to try and see what I was writing so they could get ahead of it with their folks.

Well…I fixed their wagon. I started writing the note in cursive. They were both too young to have learned cursive in school and it drove them *bonkers*.

Under the steely gaze of their dad, the older boy generally denied anything and everything and the younger boy sang like a canary. It was awesome.

Personally, I don’t generally use cursive writing in my day to day life anymore. I don’t know why, but somewhere along the line I stopped. My handwriting is so sloppy anyway that the addition of cursive made it damn near unreadable.

About the only place I still both to use cursive writing is when I write a check, and then only on the line where you have to spell out the amount and my signature.





And who writes checks anymore anyway?

Still, I’m a bit sad to hear all the talk lately of schools opting not to teach cursive writing to school kids anymore. I guess with computers, iPhones and iPads, it’s become, well, a dead language. Known only to the elders of our little (6 billion strong) tribe.

I love to look at old letters from my parents, grandparents and even great grandparents. My paternal grandmother had an often difficult to read tight scroll. My maternal grandmother’s hand was a bit more open and looping.

A letter from them was easily identifiable by their handwriting. It was like a thumbprint.

Within just a few years, kids won’t be able to read these old letters, or as the blog MoxieQ notes, the original US Constitution or even the original Declaration of Independence.



Original US Constitution, in cursive



Declaration of Independance


If kids see these documents while on a field trip or in a book, it will simply look like a foreign language.

That seems….wrong.

I get that the times, they are a changin’ and the call for cursive writing is less and less, abandoned in favor of teaching touch typing earlier in school (I had it in mid-school but by early grade school, kids need to know how to interact with a computer).

But still, cursive writing is a basic foundation of our culture, not just being able to express oneself in written form, but as its own language. It was a rite of passage to learn to write in cursive. Suddenly my mom’s shopping list went from being a bunch of scribbles to making perfect sense (except when she wrote it in stenographer’s shorthand, another dead written language).

I guess the rite of passage now is when a kid gets their first cell phone or iPad. I suppose in the end it’s ok, as long as we keep finding ways to express ourselves.

I’m still a little sad about the change, though….


Baby did a bad, bad thing

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And it feels so good.

After a year of working mostly twelve hour days and complete devotion to my employer, they rewarded me with a good performance review and a small bonus.

Instead of saving the money for a rainy day like a good girl would do, instead I went and did a naughty thing, and it looks a little like this:




I certainly don’t *need* an this bit of electronic gadgetry, and yet…the power of the iPad compels me.

Damn those Applearians. They got into my brain again.

Meanwhile I’m already ridiculously attached to my new device.

Just doing my part to help the economy.