What else can go in there?

Oooooh baby! I bought a new eeeelectrical device over the weekend and I’m becoming an OCD monster with this thing!

After reading one or another health book written by some expert and the need for more fruits and veggies in the diet and how big corporation farmed veggies are less healthy than ever and now it takes tons and tons of vegs to get the job done and we all need to be healthier and have more fruits and veggies and (breathe breathe) soooo….

I bought a juicer.

[Tim the Toolman Taylor grunt]

Oh yeah. This one right here: new toy

I shopped best prices, best brands, compared, touched, felt, took ’em apart and finally settled on one with good reviews, ease of operation, and, oh yeah, I had a coupon. That always helps.

I clutched this little beauty to my chest and put it lovingly into the Jeep. Then I went to Trader Joe’s and went nutty in the produce aisle.

Whew! All stocked up, I was rarin’ to go.

I had a little trepidation when I first fired this thing up. It says in the literature, you can drop a whole apple in there. But, you know…sometimes they *lie* in sales literature.

So imagine my delight when I fired up that 13,000 rpm (6,500 on the low end) mo-chine and it emitted a low rumbling hum.

Then I slid a smallish apple down the chute and “woooompph” that thing was pulverized and a nice glass of juice poured out the spout. Oh, and it was delicious too!

Then I started channeling both Jack Lalanne and Tim the Tooltime Taylor, all at once.

I was like “well, what else can we fit down there?” For much of Sunday afternoon, The Good Man was patient as I ground down just about anything I could possibly fit down that chute and shove through with the “food pusher”.

Remember how Tim the Toolman wanted a garbage disposer that could chew up tree limbs? I think my juicer could do it! The juice would taste, uh, pine-y, but man what fun!

I *may* have lost the focus here on this whole juicing thing, not sure. But if you are a fruit or veggie anywhere my neighborhood, be very, very afraid.

I’m just saying. Today, there is a pineapple on my counter that tomorrow, won’t be more than a pile of rubble.

Woooo!

I am:

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Oh yeah, rocking it real slow

You know what’s a hit right now? The T-Pain auto tune app on the Apple iTunes app store called “I Am T-Pain.”

Auto tune is actually a cheat for artists to use, it cleans up bad notes. Many legit artists use them in concert to make their notes right, offenders include country starts Reba McIntire and Faith Hill.

But, as kicked off by Cher with the song “Believe” (1998), it can also be used to deliberately distort the voice.

A style that R&B and Rap artist T-Pain has used to great success.

So now, Mr. Pain has brought an app to the app store with some serious capability that will make you sound just like him.

Yay!

Without further delay:

My R&B rendition of our state song.

Any semblance to actual musical skill is the fault of the auto tune. If it’s good enough for Reba, it’s good enough for me!

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(I can’t believe I’m actually posting this. My family will be so embarrassed!)

Thank you!

To all who voted for my stories in the Tweet Me a Story contest: a huge, sincere, and humble

THANK YOU!

I made it to the finals round!! 100 writers comprise the finals.

We write again on Wednesday, judges will pick the top 25 stories and voting begins on Thursday.

I have my work cut out for me! This finals round will be tough.

I seriously appreciate the votes and the help and the friendship and I’ll keep you posted if I manage to make it into the final voting round.

Woooot!