I was a bit fried by the end of last week and used my blog as a venting place.
Which is, as it should be, no? If you can’t freak out on your own damn blog, where CAN you release pent up frustrations?
I was really touched how many people contacted me to say hi or lend a supportive word.
Thanks, all. Both for listening to me whine and for being a part of my life.
I am truly blessed.
I promise to get back to regularly scheduled snarkery soon, but I just gotta get through this week.
We are down to less than a week until I get…(holy crap) married.
Here’s the thing, I feel pretty calm. It seems like everyone around me (mostly work folks) desperately want me to display full-blown anxiety. Like my freak out would somehow validate them?
Oh, I’m sure that this calm feeling won’t last through the weekend. We’re down to where the “small stuff” gets sweated. Where you find out if the people you paid a not-insubstantial amount of money will actually step up to the plate.
So far, I’ve managed not to be a bridezilla. Ok, to be fair, I was *prepared* to lose my shizz on Saturday for my latest dress fitting. The folks just don’t seem to be getting it. The seamstress had the audacity to tell me that the top wasn’t too large, I was just “not used to wearing a strapless dress”.
I informed her, in no uncertain terms, that I would NOT be spending my wedding day tugging at my dress. So they fixed it.
On this past Saturday, I was prepared to take the dress home, but for this weird pucker in the seam at my hips. I said “that needs to be fixed” and the lady helping me said “oh no, you just need to smooth it”. I said no, she said smooth. This went on for a while.
After a bit, the owner came over (she hadn’t been privy to the no/smooth conversation) and said “hey, it looks like this fits great…oh, except for THAT” and pointed RIGHT at the pucker-in-contention.
Then she ordered her minions to fix it.
Heh.
No need to bridezilla when the owner of the shop (who puts her name on my dress) can do my dirty work!
And that’s not the half of it…
Am I worried that the lackadaisical new owners of the reception location will not pull it off? Sure. But there is little I can do about it at this point. We have to, as The Good Man says, “play through”.
Will I feel the intensity of the event when, starting Friday, our nearest and dearest start arriving? Sure. Family always ups the ante.
But included in those nearest and dearest are my best friend and my two goddaughters. For how ever worried I could be, I can look into the faces of my two baby girls and smile. Because being with them is what matters. And having my best friend to hold my hand. Oh, and having her help me into my bustier and Spanx.
I already promised her I’d try not to be too sweaty. I’m a real good friend, huh?
I’m not going to jinx myself by saying “oh everything is perfect!!” It can’t be.
But The Good Man and me…we’ll just play through.
It’s the foundation of our relationship.
And at the end of the day, if I end up married to him, then the day was a rousing success. No matter what else happens.
Oh..and cake! That always helps…
Yup. There you go. The Good Man and me are legally licensed to run off like two crazy kids and hitch our lives together, willy-nilly without regard for consequences!
YIPE!
juuuuuust kidding!
The good news is that the county produces this handy illustrated booklet to help us get through “the rough patches”.
Last evening, we solemnly flipped through the pages.
Who knew that keys to a happy marriage included regular exercise and washing your vegetables before consuming?
Ah well…: plugs nose and jumps in :
____________________
PS: ok, that’s not the *actual* license above, rather a pretty souvenir the State of California provides…the real one is quite ugly…form-like, in triplicate and all that governmental schtuff.
So the point of last week’s road trip was not only visiting with family, but also a fun engagement party, the subject of marriage has been the hot conversation topic.
Since becoming engaged, I’ve been talking to a lot of friends and family who have been married for a while to get their thoughts. Everyone has an idea on what it takes to “make it work”.
Obviously, I’m very conscious about being a good partner, friend and spouse, so I’ve been listening.
Here’s some of the thoughts I’ve gathered so far.
From Grandmother of The Good Man, her advice to me was to “have a room of your own in the house…because you’ll want your alone time”. I replied, “yes, that’s seems true…” She leaned forward and fixed her eyes steadily on me. “No, I’m serious. You are going to want your own space!”
Point well taken, ma’am.
From my Aunt in Arizona, her advice was to work to keep things from being boring. Can’t disagree with that one, seems easy to slip into. I have a couple friends who got married and slid right into the sweatpants and television mode. I suppose if it works for the couple, that’s ok. But I think my Aunt has good advice.
From my own mom, she told TGM about the rather expensive toaster her own mom gave her for her wedding present. My dad, the ever tinkering electrical engineer, kept that thing toasting for the better part of forty years. Mom said that even when the toaster died, she kept it polished up and on a shelf. She said, “I figured that if we had that toaster, we had a marriage.”
So maybe not the toaster itself, but a talisman, a symbol, a “something to hang on to” when the seas get rough is important.
I like it.
A friend at work who despite being about my age, has been married over twenty years (very YOUNG bride…wow!) says that for her, she laid down the law early on. For example, they have two beautiful children. She’s made it clear that if they part ways, the kids are hers, no dispute.
This was along the same lines as the advice from the dad of my best friend…
He also said that both sides should set down the rules early on.
It all seems a bit rigid to me, but maybe it’s not the “rules” so much as “these are the lines that cannot be crossed”.
Mom of my best friend, upon hearing this advice about the rules said, “yes, that’s true, I told him if he cheats on me I’m going to jail because I’m taking him out”
Wow. But hey, there’s no gray area there, now is there?
I do think it’s good to communicate “these are my non-starters” from the beginning. TGM and I have done some of that already…entering into this relationship later in life, we both had some previous experiences…so there were a couple “if you are going to xyz then I’m out” moments.
Other things heard are:
“Keep your own interests, don’t make your spouse the only thing in your life”…ok, good.
“Communicate, communicate, communicate”…also good and one already well used. In fact, I know I’m guilty of sometimes OVER communicating…but I do have to say, if TGM and I find a disagreement, it’s over pretty quick because we’re good at talking and being honest about what’s going on. (again, that “late in life” thing helps)
“Keep laughing.” Ah yes.
All good things to ponder.
Anyone else got thoughts? If you don’t want to put in comments, shoot me an email. I’m all ears.
Am bone weary today after a long day of driving.
After staying in Albuquerque Sunday, visiting Old Town, shopping, buying, eating, we slept under a swamp cooler and got up this morning, ate breakfast, and hit the road.
There was quite a bit of sadness when we hit the New Mexico/Arizona border and I had to leave Oh Fair New Mexico behind me.
It was a good visit. Too short but quality.
I think the drive on I-40 west is one of the most beautiful. The flat top red dirt hills look like slices of perfectly cooked prime rib. The skies so blue. Beautiful. Good to see it again.
Arizona, on the other hand…..
But that’s been left behind as well. We’ve done three states today and are resting now in the greater Barstow, CA metropolitan area. ugh.
Tomorrow, we press for home.
What a wild ride. Photos and stories to come, I promise.