Tummy. Full.

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The Cute Boy™ and I pulled off a nice Christmas dinner. Ham, german potato salad, ravioli, and my very own homemade apple crisp that rocked the house. It was a very nice day and I’m grateful. I may get the hang of this entertaining thang yet.

Meanwhile, found this by way of NewMexiKen. I watched it and it touched me.

I’m thankful on this holiday that I have a home to live in, food to eat and friends and family who love me.

This four minute video was created by Mudhouse Advertising who will donate $1 to ArtStreet, a program for the homeless in Albuquerque, for every unique viewing (up to $10,000).

I learned in this video that New Mexico has the third highest poverty rate. Oh Fair New Mexico, the struggle continues.

Feliz Navidad!

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For those that observe this one, hope Santa was good to you.

Like a little kid I was unable to sleep. Why I’m up at 6:30 remains a mystery….

Enjoy the day, the prezzies, the fun and the joy that another helliday season has come to pass.

Onward to 2008!

Image via.

Have yourself a Merry Little…

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…whatever holiday you celebrate. I make no assumptions here.

The Casa de Karen and The Cute Boy™ is in tumult as we clean and scrub and prepare for guests tomorrow. I’m not much of a hostess with the mostess, so entertaining in my home always makes me a skosh edgy. Plus, among the guests tomorrow is Mother of The Cute Boy™ and in my silly female way, I’m still trying *very* hard to make a good impression on her. She’s a wonderful woman, a great cook and raised the man I love, so her opinion matters, you know? I tend to twist myself into a knot about it.

The food is all stocked in the fridge. The feline is unhappy about all the kerfuffle as we sweep and mop and vacuum. She thinks we all should be taking a nap. Have I mentioned that in my next life I want to be my cat? She’s got it real good around here.

I think things will all come together. Pretty much when you get good eats and good people together, magic happens. Joyful magic and I could use a bit of that in my life.

Meanwhile, everybody, enjoy your family, friends, homemade family (cuz the one you’re related to are intolerable), yourownselves, your pets and your holiday cheer.

And if the going gets tough, spike the egg nog.

Photo by Karen Fayeth

Guilt.

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I have it.

What is it, exactly, about the holidays that makes guilt so possible?

True, I’m an easily guilted child. A fact my folks used to great advantage when raising me. And yet, the month of December seems to be the guilt month, no doubt.

Owing to my Catholic upbringing (I’m no longer practicing), guilt was sort of woven into my early life. And in the good Catholic tradition, confession is good for the soul…

I feel guilty that my mom is alone for the holidays. I mean, she’s not *really* alone, my aunt and uncle are nearby and look after her, but since my dad passed, she’s had a tough time of it. I shouldn’t feel guilty. My folks weren’t very people oriented, so they had few friends. In my mom’s waning years, she doesn’t have that many people to rely on and she’s honestly burned a few bridges with her children. She keeps wanting me to move closer to her. I just can’t (for many reasons). And years of hard mental work have told me that taking care of myself is important (and isn’t selfish). And so despite the fact that it’s the right thing for me to be here and live my life, I still feel guilty.

I feel guilty that I’ve been so involved in work and trying to finish up that I haven’t paid enough attention to my home life. The Cute Boy™ and The Feline are fine, they love me, support me, are happy I made it through. I guess I want to be all things to all people (and pets). I tend to take on all this guilt when I can’t be “perfect”. Ugh, what’s with that?

I feel guilty that I’ve eaten too many holiday cookies. :)

I feel guilty that I got my Christmas cards out late. I know, not a crime, but damnit! How hard is it to send out a few cards? (Hard enough when you are working too much and are exhausted….there goes that perfectionist thing again.)

I feel guilty that my job is a decent job and pays reasonably well but I actually don’t like it and want more than anything to flee. I should be more grateful for everything that place has done for me, and yet I just cringe going in there every day. I’ll spend the next two weeks pondering this one. I’ve reached critical mass. Time to you-know-what or get off the pot about this topic.

And of course, I feel guilty that I haven’t managed to update my blog most of this past week and so here it is, 7:40am on my first day off and I’m writing up a guilt post.

Good lord my brain is a complex place.

So as of this moment, I grant myself absolution. I don’t even have to do an act of contrition, I’m pretty contrite already.

My penance is to love myself a little more today. To ease up a bit. To hug my man and cat a bit more and to enjoy the hell out of my Christmas holidays.

Now I shall go out and make it so.

I did it.

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I survived this hell week. As predicted, there was that “last minute gotta get it done end of year oh my god” contract that, surprisingly, was accomplished. Earlier in the week I’d said “no way”, and yet, it was done.

I wish I felt proud about such things. I used to. No more.

Anyhoo, I made it through.

And now. Two weeks. No work.

It’s too much to contemplate. I’m going to savor each and every one of my sixteen days sans work.

Today the holiday ham was ordered. Presents are wrapped. Egg nog in the fridge. The Cute Boy™ in the house.

Bring on the holidays! I’m ready!

Photo by Karen Fayeth