Project Status Update

Problem summary:

Approximately two years ago, Feline was poked and prodded by a certified veterinarian and determined to fall under the classification of Fat Cat.

Fat Cat was placed on a diet consisting of smaller portions of food and feed consisting of diet kibble. Fat Cat has lost almost four pounds.

Follow-on problem summary:

Fat Cat has reached the end of her sense of humor about the diet. Has begun full assault daily at 4:30am with objective to obtain Early Breakfast.

Boy Human is the key target of this attack.

Since Boy Human is the kind of person who can’t go back to sleep easily after being awakened, this 4:30am assault strategy is resulting in severe sleep deprivation.

Sleep deprivation = a very cranky Boy Human

Proposed solution:

In order to alleviate crankiness issues, Girl Human sought corrective action. Research conducted via Google and determination made that a timer food dish might provide relief.

A simple one meal device with timer was procured and received from the Amazon supplier entity.

Field Trials:

On Saturday, December 3, the timer food dish was fully locked and loaded around 11:30pm before Boy Human retired for the night.

As expected, at 4:30am the timer dish lid properly deployed and food was made available. Fat Cat easily discovered this bounty and dined appropriately. Upon full consumption of morning kibble, Fat Cat then retired to the heater box for sleep.

Around 7:00am Fat Cat roused then entered the bedroom of Boy & Girl Human.

Operating under the “That was a gift from the Kibble Gods and since the Boy Human didn’t dispense it, it didn’t count” mode, Fat Cat initiated usual morning aggressive tactics upon the Boy Human including loud rowring, “pimp paw” to the forehead, knocking all possessions off bedside table and biting errant limbs hanging over side of the mattress.

Girl Human commented “This wasn’t covered in the Amazon reviews.”

Boy Human was forced to rise from said mattress and then delivered Second Breakfast to Fat Cat.

Upon consumption of second breakfast, Fat Cat brought her rolly polly arse back to the bedroom of Boy & Girl Human and tucked in under the covers for the day.

Rating of outcome:

Moderate success.

7:00am is a more decent hour than 4:30am so Boy Human was, in fact, less cranky.

However, Fat Cat ate twice, meaning kibble ration was exceeded for the day.

Full reporting must be delivered to veterinarian upon next review.

Next Steps:

Food dish armed with a small excess of kibble rationing was locked by Girl Human on or about 10:00pm on Sunday, December 4.

At 4:30am Monday morning, lid properly deployed and food was consumed.

Soon after, a sated Fat Cat re-entered bedroom of Boy & Human and climbed into the bed and fell asleep.

Boy Human slept until 7:30am when Monday morning alarm went off.

Boy Human awoke feeling more rested than he has in months.


Field trials of timer food dish continue. Team is cautiously optimistic.

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  • Anji

    It’s whats known as thinking outside the timer food dish I suppose.

    Good luck with the rest

  • Natalie

    Many moons ago, my then partner had a cat by the name of Jasper. Every morning, every ding-dang morning, that cat would get up on the bed and paw at my head, bite me, and then walk across my bladder in an effort to get me up to feed him. If I could catch him, he would become sailcat but the damage was done as my bladder would not allow me to go back to sleep. He never, ever did that to his “mom” and always, always did that to me.

    What’s up with that?

    Made me not ever want a cat again. I have Kitty Q but that’s only because I’m a soft-hearted schmuck who couldn’t stand to see the abuse he was suffering. Now we all suffer… yet, I love the little butthead.

    Ahhh… cat ownership. It’s never easy.

    • Karen Fayeth

      Natalie – Yeah, so the Fat Cat chooses to pick only on The Good Man. It *may* be because she knows he’s the soft touch. I will lock her butt in the bathroom (where she has a bowl of water and a litter box). The Good Man will cave.

      So he gets the business. Every morning. Poor guy.

  • scott

    Well, cats are quite intelligent in their way; you might present your case study to your animal resident and see what conclusions the cat might have, discuss it rationally…then give in to all the cat’s demands of course. :)

    • Karen Fayeth

      Scott – Did you just use “rational” and “cat” in the same sentence? LOL!!! :)

      Fat Cat isn’t willing to negotiate. I tried. And tried.

  • Lynn

    Fat Cat sounds adorable! I hope your continued efforts produce a sated (and slim) Fat Cat and a well-rested bedmate.

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