Observations from under the dryer

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Every six weeks, I have to take the opportunity to have my grays covered by my stylist. And by grays, I don’t mean aliens. Or maybe I do. (Only my hairdresser knows my real hair color for sure!)

Once the color paste is on my head, I have to sit under the hairdryer to let it “cook”. This is about fifteen minutes of precious down time in my busy days. So while just sitting there, I take the opportunity to catch up on what they call these days, The Goss (as in, short for gossip).

My hairdresser works in a lovely, calming salon. Fun music plays and they have stacks of the most current gossip mags. Getting hairs done and riding a plane are my opportunities to catch up on People, OK! and US magazines. I also get a great chance to observe other women of the species in their element. Chemicals flying along with catty remarks.

And herewith, my observations:

1) In a section in US Magazine, stars gave their secrets to beauty. Penélope Cruz says her tip is to sleep more than nine hours a night. So when Penélope does it, it’s beauty enhancing. When I do it, I’m called “lazy”. Hmmph!

2) There is no woman, no matter how pretty she is, who doesn’t look ridiculously hag-ish when sitting there with color or bleach paste applied to her roots, plastic bag on her head and chemical fumes making her squint.

3) Angelina Jolie isn’t human. There was a picture in OK! Magazine of her walking out of some random building hand in hand with her Adonis-like boyfriend.

She is a few months away from delivering twins. Her face isn’t puffy. Her ankles are normal size. Her hair glistens. Her face is dewy fresh. No pregnancy mask, acne or wrinkles. Her tummy is sort of big, but no bigger than a woman with just one in there at late term. She isn’t pregnant from chin to ankles like many women loaded with twins look and feel.

I’m sure she’ll carry them both to term, deliver them naturally and easily and produce two more picture perfect children.

*sigh*

4) Having your head massaged when it’s being washed under warm water is a really nice thing. It makes you forget that your skin looks worse than that of a woman pregnant with twins.

5) Miley Cyrus is scandalous. Jennifer Anniston is “getting lucky”. American Idol is almost over. McDreamy thinks McSteamy has nice pecs. Ashley Simpson is probably pregnant. Tony Romo may or may not have broken up with Jessica Simpson. Ellen Degeneres is getting married. So is George Takei. The pregnant (and also not human) Jessica Alba just did. Katie Holms looks spooky. Jude Law snogged Kimberly Stewart at a club. And Kate Hudson may or may not be dating Lance Armstrong.

Phew.

All said and done, my nice little life looks pretty good. I have fresh hair, an amazing fiancée and the ability to go to the grocery in my crappy sweats without someone taking and publishing my photo.

Perspective. What a kick!

Did you know?

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That if you add the word “wedding” in front of almost any word in the English language, that you can add anywhere from $20 to $2,000 to the cost of said thing?

Tis true.

Regular ol’ cha-cha shoes? $30

“Wedding” shoes, same style? $70 (or more)

Pretty hair barrette? $10

“Wedding” hair barrette? $50 (or more)

Nice updo hair style by a stylist? $50

Same updo but “wedding hair” $200 (or more)

A nice dinner out? $40

A “wedding rehearsal” dinner, same food? $100 (or more)

Argh!

What?

The wedding planning is going fine.

Why do you ask?