These Spammers Are Getting Pithy
Today, as part of my regular blog maintenance, I went into my spam catcher widget and took a look at what’s been caught.
I look it over because occasionally I’ll find a comment that shouldn’t have been marked as spam, so I like to check.
Usually it’s the normal stuff: Cheap Rolex! Pen!s enlargement! Xanex, cheap and easy!
To be expected, I suppose.
But today, I’ve noticed a bit of a change. An advancement.
Those comment spammers are getting smarter.
Here’s a sample of some of the actual comments caught in my spam queue. These completely cracked me up today. I’ve added what I’d respond if I was the sort of person who baited trolls:
“How do i delete everything on my laptop?”
Why, is the laptop stolen? Let me know when you find out.
“Why is my browser redirecting search results to fake search engines?”
: shrug : Sounds like user error to me.
“Whoever wrote this, you know how to make a good artcile.”
Why thank you! I think. Wait, what’s an artcile?
“The genius store called, they’re rnuinng out of you.”
Flattery will get you EVERYWHERE. Ok, that got my attention.
“And I thguhot I was the sensible one. Thanks for setting me straight.”
Good thing you’re not the spelling one.
“Please teach the rest of these internet hloiogans how to write and research!”
If only I could, darlin’, if only I could.
“Information is power and now I’m a !@#$ing dcitator.”
And what does that make me? I’m GOD baybee!
“I came, I read this atricle, I conquered.”
YEAH you did! Raaawwr!
“Free knowledge like this doesn’t just help, it pomrtoe democracy. Thank you.”
Wait. Can you both be a dictator and promote democracy?
“This free sharing of inforamotin seems too good to be true. Like communism.”
Wait, wait, wait. Are we a dictatorship, a democracy or communists? This is getting very confusing.
“Wham bam thank you, ma’am, my questions are anserwed!”
Buddy, this is not that kind of blog. Take your wham bam somewhere else.
“Boom shkalaaka boom boom, problem solved.”
Ok, maybe this is the kind of blog that boom shaka boom booms…hard to know.
“This piece was coengt, well-written, and pithy.”
Your comment, however, was not. Besides, who uses pithy anymore? And is coengt supposed to be cogent? Inquiring minds need to know.
“Brilliance for free; your parents must be a sweetharet and a certified genius.”
Why you gotta bring my parents into this?
“You put the lime in the ccoount and drink the article up.”
Best. Comment. Ever. In the history of this blog. All other commenters, take heed. This is the apex of comment glory!
You drink this article RIGHT up! That’s right you do! Drink it in!
“Great hammer of Thor, that is powerfully helfupl!”
Glorious right boot of Wonder Woman, you’re welcome!
“I could watch Schnidelr’s List and still be happy after reading this.”
Now THAT’s a compliment! Well done, commenter.
“I hate my life but at least this makes it berablae.”
My powers are stronger than even I suspected…..
“Four score and seven minutes ago, I read a sweet article. Lol thakns”
Ok, that’s kind of charming.
“With the bases loaded you struck us out with that awnser!”
A baseball metaphor *always* works with me….
“I bow down humbly in the presence of such gearnetss”
I am a benevolent God. Mostly.
Whew! Good stuff. Made it kind of hard to delete all those spam posts. Charm and wit will always win me over. Too bad they are still trolly trolls who live under mossy internet bridges.
And that means I still did what I had to do. Bye!